12/30/2009

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS


“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”


At the beginning of each new year, people begin thinking about making and keeping a new year’s resolution , only to discover within a short period of time that their good intentions fall by the wayside each and every year, “in one year and out the other”.

The top New Year’s resolutions rarely change from one year to the next, and in case you haven’t noticed yet, New Year’s resolution statistics are not on your side. Unrealistic resolutions are doomed to fail from the start, usually due to lack of motivation, not being specific enough, being too ambitious with a list of new year’s resolutions that are bad for your health, bringing on stress, anxiety, hopelessness and even depression.

Top New Years Resolutions:
1. Lose weight
2. Manage debt/save money
3. Get a better job
4. Spend more time with family
5. Quit smoking
6. Eat right/Get fit
7. Get a better education
8. Reduce stress
9. Going greener
10. Volunteer to help others

“Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits.”

Goal Setting

Forget about new years resolutions and start focusing on goal setting. What is goal setting? Goals setting is a process that allows people to specify then work towards their own objectives, commonly referred to as life goals.
Whether it be personal goal setting or business goal setting, the importance of setting goals that are challenging, tangible, specific, realistic and have a time targeted completion date cannot be overemphasized.
Some people don’t know how to set goals or achieve a goal already set, so when they decide on setting a goal of one kind or another, each goal is quickly given up on until new years resolution conversations begin all over again.

How to Set Goals

What are your goals to set? Are they short term goals, long term goals, or both? Are they personal goals, career goals or vague life goals? Effective goals are very specific and measurable, involving goal setting motivation, while very vague goals such as “I want to lose weight” or, “I want to be the best person I can be” are not specific enough to help you in achieving goals in the short term or long term.

Goals give us direction, telling us what needs to be accomplished. Both long and short-term goals provide direction, but short-term goals appear to have the greatest motivational effects for change.

Finding your motivation through goal setting involves understanding why you want or need x,y,z in your life and what the goal means to you personally or professionally, thereby giving you the needed power and motivation to accomplish your goals once and for all.

S.M.A.R.T Goals

Writing goals down and tracking goals with goal setting software is advocated by many experts in the field of goal setting, being very specific with each and every goal you plan to accomplish. “Smart goals” stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-bound, which helps people learn how to write a top quality goal they can and will stick to.

Specific – your goal should answer the What, Where, Why and How questions, written as simply and clearly as possible. Use action words to explain WHAT are you going to do? WHY is this goal important? HOW are you going to do it, etc?

Measurable – If you can’t measure it, you can’t manage it. Choose a goal with measurable progress so you can actually see the changes you are making, otherwise how will you know when you have reached your goal?

Attainable – an attainable, agreed upon, achievable goal involves realistic goals that consider your current situation, financial and personal resources, as well as time available to achieve success. Set your goal to challenge and “stretch” you slightly, but don’t go too far out of your reach setting unattainable goals, otherwise you’ll become discouraged and give up, again.

Realistic – a realistic goal is a goal you can control and achieve, requiring effort on your part, a positive mindset, positive action, determination and consistency that will enable you to achieve and accomplish goals you set. Each time you achieve a goal, enjoy the satisfaction that goes with goal achievement, rewarding yourself appropriately.

Time-bound – a time-bound goal includes realistic time-frames, using dates and times as measurement towards successful completion of each goal. Setting a time frame for goals set gives you a clear and precise target to work towards. Without a set time limit, your commitment is too vague, open-ended, lacking a sense of urgency to take action now to accomplish goals.

If you are one of many who jump on the new years resolution bandwagon, make a New Year’s resolution to NOT make new year’s resolutions ever again. Instead, set goals that are not only reasonable and realistic, but measurable and attainable so that your current goals and any new goals can be accomplished once and for all.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE... LOTS OF LOVE

12/06/2009

A Good Listener...Thanks to my friends Nader, linda, my sist and ........


A good listener is worth their weight in gold and one of the most important foundations in a relationship is for both partners to be good listeners.


So whether you are already in a relationship and are looking for a good listener to use as a role model or if you are looking for the love of your life and one of your criteria is someone who is a good listener, it is always good to be able to recognize a good listener. So the following are ten signs of a good listener:

You can tell the difference between someone who is fully in the moment with you versus someone who has their mind on something else is when you are talking to the unfocused person you will get an urge to rush through what you are saying versus when you are with a person who is totally focused on you, you will feel at home and that you have all the time in the world to say what you have to say. With a person who is totally focused on you, you will almost feel like sighing because you feel so supported and because you feel like you are truly the centre of their attention.

The listener will keep constant eye contact with you, only looking away on occasion to prevent staring or awkwardness.

A good listener will nod, smile and give you auditory feedback such as "Mm hum", "Yeah" "I see" or "No, really?" in a sincere and interested way to encourage you to continue and to indicate that they are listening.

As you are talking, they will encourage you to continue talking. For example they will say things like "That's really interesting" or "I find that interesting, please continue "or "I'd like to hear more."

Every once in a while, a good listener will parrot back what you say to indicate they are paying attention and that they are right in your story with you.

A good listener will only finish your sentence when the timing is right, not to try to rush you through your story or to help you out when you are at a loss of words, but to show that they are on the same wave length as you.

A good listener knows that the art of being a good listener (whether that is because they just intuitively know or because they are actually aware of the rule) will listen approximately 80% of the time during the course of the conversation and spend only 20% of the conversation talking.

There is nothing more annoying than to open a conversation with someone and they change the topic on you in the middle of what you are trying to express. This often happens when the person gives you an example about themselves to show that they understand what you are saying but then they keep going with their example or take the opportunity while the attention is on themselves to switch topics. A good listener if they feel the need to use an example to back up what you were saying will keep it short and will return the conversation back to what you were talking about.
A good listener will ask you thoughtful questions that will lead you into opening up into further detail about your topic of discussion. For example, they may say something like " So you work in the Marketing Department, tell me about some of the duties that you are in charge of or what specifically are in you charge of or what aspects of your job do you love?"

When a good listener feeds back how you are feeling, their description of the feeling or emotion will actually match how you are feeling. If they are off, they are dedicated to finding out how you are truly feeling versus throwing out a bunch of descriptions of how you are feeling in hopes of eventually guessing the correct feeling or emotion.

If you recognize a good listener in your life, tell them you how much you appreciate them. If you are still looking for a good listener to come into you life, it is both worth the search and the wait, because not only will they create a wonderful communication foundation for your relationship, they will always make you feel special and supported in expressing yourself.

12/05/2009

A Good or A Bad listener....

Did you ever get the feeling that a piece of wood gives you more listening attention than a human being? You are desperately trying to talk to someone about something rather important, and you see their eyes watching the people walk by around you. Sometimes they even start talking to someone else! This is NOT a sign of a good listener! And it doesn't stop there. Sometimes they'll even tell you that they "have to go" or completely change the subject


In fact, people like the one I described above aren't just bad listeners, but they can actually elevate your stress and frustration levels way beyond what you originally felt. You get very offended by people like this, because it's as if what you are talking about isn't important or 'not a good enough story' for their particular liking. I have come across this all too often in friendships, and it is very upsetting. It can really hurt your feelings. So how can we decipher whether they are the shallow folk I mentioned above, or an actual 'good listener'?

Eye contact. If they are actually looking at you, it usually means that they are listening and taking it all in. That is a good sign. However, often times we cannot see the person we are talking to. We are conversing either on-line, or on the telephone. So how do we know then? The best way to tell is by their communication back to you. If you are explaining a situation to them and they ask important questions and reciprocate things back to you, that is an actual conversation and another very good sign. And, the 'follow-up'. If they bring it up to you the next time, you talk to them, and remember most of it, that is a very good listener. More importantly, it is someone who actually cares enough about you to remember the things you said to them.

There are a lot of rude people out there, and careless ones at that. I have even been in such distress that I have poured my feelings out to the wrong people, and they've hung up on me, and even fallen asleep on me. -That is a low-blow.

So, unfortunately, the best way to know if you have a good listener on your hands is to make sure they don't match any of the criteria I mentioned as a bad listener. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are bad people for their ignorance, but if they can't even listen and help out a friend in despair, are they really a good friend at all, or just an acquaintance?

Your words are worth listening to. Some people out there make up problems for themselves and just complain so people hear them. To those, it is okay to drift a little. But if you're actually talking to someone looking for a friend to listen, as I normally am, everything you say is golden and someone should actually be listening.

12/04/2009

Description of a Bad Listener


You might find around you that some people are simply not very good at listening. This can create a myriad of problems and make your life and relationship with them extremely difficult and not want or feel comfortable talking to them anymore

There are essentially three types of bad listeners. They are self-absorbed individuals, unfocused individuals, and rules driven individuals.
Self-absorbed people will always place their own priorities above everyone else’s. They are quite often stubborn and opinionated people. They are also quite eager to get everyone else to agree with them, and thus are not the best at listening to or expressing interest in other people’s opinions. Self-absorbed people are the type who seem to know everything and thus do not have the desire or the will to listen to what anyone else has to say about something.
Then there are the unfocused individuals. These people tend to be quite messy and disorganized. They are often forgetful, and hardly ever finish the projects they start on. In order to get through life, these individuals are in dire need of structure and some direction – and it must come from others. Since they cannot stay focused on anything for an extended duration, this prevents them from fully understanding what they are being told in a conversation. It also prevents them from taking action once they are told to do something.

Finally, there are the rules driven individuals. Such individuals may be able to listen, but they are overly cautious about everything. It is almost as if they are listening a little too well, because they wind up focusing on the minor, small details, and are thus unable to see the big picture. This means that they are only listening to a small part of what is being said to them.

11/30/2009

A Cry for Help

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, and all of the others, including Love.
One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left.
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment.
When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No I can't..There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place for you here."
Love decided to ask Vanity, who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness let me go with you." "Oh...Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her!
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the elder her name.
When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Love, realizing how much he owed the elder, asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is.

11/24/2009

Peace.....

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die;

A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal;

A time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh;

A time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to seek, and a time to lose;

A time to keep, and a time to throw away;

A time to tear, and a time to sew;

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate,

A time for war, and a time for peace.

11/12/2009

MOVING ON

I'll let another tear drop fall to wash away the pain
I'll let another tear drop fall to wash away my shame
Another little tear drop will wash away your touch
One more little tear drop for memories that hurt so much

I'll let another tear drop fall to wash away the years
And one more little tear drop to wash away my fears

If I sit down and cry hard enough and let the tear drops fall, for sure I forgot and won't remember you at all.

10/11/2009

I Learn To Be Strong



Words of prayers
come to my ears,
Telling me what I know in my heart,
But never wanted to hear.
With the truth finally said
and out in the open for me to plainly see,
I wonder why I can love so deeply
but never had that love returned back to me.
I confessed the feelings
that I held inside for so long,
But with his soft- hearted rejection,
I realize I have to be strong.
With tears that want to flow
from my eyes,
I feel that my heart,
along with my composure, slowly dies.
While this dramatic side is showing through
with my ability to question and reason,
I think I may have found
something in me that I can believe in.
Love hurts . . .
That's what they all say,
But I will love again
when all this pain and sorrow goes away.
So I sit and think of all the things
this situation has cost,
And I realize that nothing
very important has been lost.
Instead, a learning experience
has come from all this.
I've learned that hardly anything
is more important than my happiness.
Me

10/08/2009

Let's Make A Deal


You forgive me that I liked you too much,
And I'll forgive you for not liking me enough.

You forgive me for missing you so,
And I'll forgive you for being so cold.

You forgive me for the loud racing of my heart,
And I'll forgive you for not hearing it.

You forgive me for playing your games,
And I'll forgive you for toying with my emotions.

You forgive me for helping you when you told me your life was spoiled,
And I'll forgive you for killing mine.

You forgive me for raising you up so high,
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down so low.

You forgive me for wanting to be with you,
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me.

You forgive me for being so pathetic,
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it.

You forgive me for not being able to let go,
And I'll forgive you for never having latched on.

You forgive me for having hopes and dreams,
And I'll forgive you for crushing them.

Forgiveness brings inner peace.
Do we have a deal?

10/07/2009

My little poem to you


Today, I say
If we must be part,
Then let it be like this
Not heart on heart
Words are so weak
When love has been so strong
My Broken heart will never healed
It will haunt me for a lifetime,
Even if I meet someone else.
My past will teach me lessons
That will make me more aware
Moreover, more human.
Then tell me,
Why do I feel so hurt?
Knowing it can only get better

10/06/2009

Wounded... Broken Heart


Why My Heart :
You where my all the one I adored, The one who I trusted the most in the world. I gave you the pureist of me You asked me to trust you. See my love was real i guess yours was fake because i would have never lied to you or pushed you away. You have no idea how much I have cried asking God why my heart, why did you brake me in half this pain that consumes me and won't let me think . My heart had never felt such pain yet the one who asked me to trust caused this enourmous hurt and disappointment and yes shame. Don't worry about saying sorry or you wish me the best what goes around comes around and that is what i have to say about that. Adios Mi Amor My Bay this Love is the One you let slip away. Don't think that I will cry forever I love myself too much But yes know this you hurt me soooo  much. One day the only one you gave away will be the one your wishing for. Why my heart????....

You knock on the door & seems so sincere. Slowly convinving me to open the
door. Eventually I allowed you into take a sit. You did not stay long,
disappearing as sudden as u've appear.
Anger emerge from this sudden emptiness. You got me adapted to your
companionship only to pick up & leave.
I opened the door, allowing myself to be vulnerable, believing that you'll
protect me & shelter me from reality, but instead, the one that I entrusted
my heart & soul was the one that hurt me most.

10/03/2009

My Broken Heart


I will never forget the days we once had
The days when you were everything to me
My mind used to tell me we'd be together forever
But now I realize that was all a big dream
The feelings I had for you are now going away
I wish I could take back that one regretful day
The day when I willingly let you slide from my arms
For you to go to another arm
Never did I think of the astonishing pain of regrets
That I would once have to live through
The sight of you in someone else's arms
Makes my heart shatter into a million pieces
I sometimes wonder if you still think of me
Or if to you, I'm just a face in the crowd
I wish so very much that one day i can have it all back
But for now, I'll sit here silently
Remembering all the memories we once shared
Everyday my anger grows much stronger
Hoping that one day you will ask for forgiveness
Not for you to come back, but just to have my closure
And put back the pieces of my broken heart.
Me

10/02/2009

Healing a Broken Heart – Is there hope?


Is there hope for healing a broken heart?


Something or someone has just broken my heart. I was caught off-guard by a betrayal, a shocking behavior, or loss of a loved one. Suddenly I am feeling like I have lost all hope . . . i can feel a physical aching in my chest that leaves me wounded and scarred. How can i ever hope to recover or discover what steps will end this suffering?



We all know that emotions are a vital part of the way we are made. Yet we can’t understand why it takes so long to heal from emotional injuries. We would never prematurely remove a cast or sutures until the broken bone or skin was fully restored. We must realize complete emotional healing requires time. The book of Psalms offers great comfort when experiencing long-term emotions like sadness, fear, and grief. “He heals the brokenhearted, binding up their wounds





Healing a Broken Heart – The key is trust

Our human tendency is to avoid painful situations, even burying them. Can we ever trust those who hurt us so deeply?

There are steps to healing a broken heart.

Release

Refocus

Receive

There is a reason


Read this, I really liked it….

Once there was a young man who proclaimed to have the most beautiful, flawless heart. An old man challenged him. The crowd looked at the old man’s heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars. Some pieces had been removed and others had been put in, but didn’t fit quite right. The old man looked at the young man, “I would never trade my heart for yours. Every scar represents a person I’ve given my love -- I tear out a piece and give it to them. Sometimes they give me a piece of their broken heart, which I fit along jagged edges. When the person doesn’t return my love, a painful gouge is left. Those gouges stay open, reminding me that I love these people too. Perhaps someday they will return and fill that space.”



We would never choose to have a broken heart! The agony and recovery time is just too unbearable. There is Someone, however, who had a flawless heart and chose to have it broken. Medically when a heart ruptures (breaks) water gushes out .

9/28/2009

Causing harm to oneself

This is forbidden, as God says: You shall not kill yourselves. He also says: Do not expose yourselves to ruin.The Prophet said: "There shall be no inflicting of harm on oneself". Similarly, it is not permissible to a Muslim to expose himself to the risk of illness or injury in any way or form. The Prophet said: "No believer may humiliate himself". When he was asked how any person would humiliate himself, he said: "By exposing himself to risks with which he cannot cope. A man runs the risk of illness or injury if he leaves himself exposed to their causes, or by not taking the necessary precautions to prevent them, or by not taking proper care of his health. Islam has given us the necessary directives to steer away from all such risks, making it a duty of every Muslim:


• To be keen to do whatever is beneficial to his health, such as eating well, but not too much, and doing exercise to keep fit. People must also take the necessary care of every part of the body and have sufficient rest. They should do this in response to the Prophet’s statements: "Be keen to do what is beneficial to you; Store up enough health to draw on during your illness; "Whatever you feed yourself counts as a benefaction. Similarly, "Your soul has a [human] right against you; your body has a [human] right against you; your eyes have a [human] right against you\.

• To take all preventive measures to guard against illness, for prevention leads to health protection, as the Prophet says: "He who protects himself from evil shall be spared its effects. That includes keeping away from whatever may cause illness, such as illicit sex, homosexuality and all lewd and immoral conduct. God says in the Quran: Do not approach adultery, for it is a gross indecency and an evil way. He also says: Do not approach any immorality, open or covert. In reference to the people to whom the Prophet Lot was sent, the Quran quotes him as saying to them: You lust after men instead of women. Truly you are people given to excess. In a haditht the Prophet is quoted as saying: "The worst thing I fear for my community is the practice of the people of Lot". Prevention also includes keeping away from ithm (harm). God says: Abandon all ithm (harm), whether done openly or in secret. Ithm, as Rasheed Reda says in his commentary on the Quran, includes: "All that is harmful to self, property or anything else. The worst of these are social vices". Ithm also includes intoxicants and drugs. God says: They ask you about intoxicants and gambling. Say: There is great ithm in both. He also says: Believers! wine and games of chance, idols and divining arrows, are abominations devised by Satan. Turn away from them. This last command is the strongest expression of prohibition. The Prophet "has prohibited every type of intoxicating and narcotic substances. He is quoted as saying: "Every type of intoxicant is forbidden; every narcotic substance is forbidden. Whatever causes intoxication when taken in a large quantity is also forbidden to take in small quantities. Whatever influences the mind is forbidden. Preventive measures include keeping away from patients who are ill with infectious diseases and vaccination against communicable diseases is a great measure of prevention.

• To take every care to prevent injury. This is based on several hadith instructing people to make sure they do not expose themselves to any cause of harm or injury, such as: "If you have to sleep while travelling by night, avoid the main road, as it is the track of animals and the refuge of pests. When you go to bed, shake your sheets. You never know what they may have inside. The Prophet also said: "Put out lamps when you go to bed, shut the doors, close the waterskins and cover water and food containers. In another hadith, he alerts people to the danger of fire, saying: "Fire is like an enemy to you: put it out before you sleep. He also said: "Whoever sleeps on the roof of a house which has no wall has no claim to make (for social insurance) if he comes to any harm. The Prophet also "discouraged staying alone, urging his followers not to stay at night in a house alone and not to travel alone.

• To take suitable medicine when ill. The Prophet says: "Seek medical treatment, for God has not created an illness without creating a cure for it.

9/26/2009

This Is also dedicated To Him

Causing harm to one’s family


This means one’s parents, children and spouse. All this is forbidden since it all comes under the prohibition of causing any harm. Islam urges its followers to be kind to their parents. God says in the Quran: We have enjoined on man kindness to one’s parents. (29:8) The Prophet prohibited21 "holding on greedily to money and asking for it persistently, being unkind to mothers and burying young girls alive", as was the habit of certain Arabian tribes before the advent of Islam. The Prophet said: "Cursed be he who is unkind to his parents". No one can be more unkind to his parents than one who exposes their health to unnecessary risk. Similarly, Islam instructs parents to take care of their children, and instructs both husband and wife to take good care of each other, laying particular emphasis on a man’s duty to look after his wife. The Prophet said: "Do take good care of women"22. He also said: "My Lord, I place particular importance on the rights of the two weak groups: orphans and women"23. He also said: "Your wife has a [human] right against you and your children have a [human] right against you. Give to every one their rightful claims". In another hadith, we read: "Your household has a [human] right against you"24. The Prophet explains the concept of mutual responsibility within the family, when he says: "A man is guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is guardian of her husband’s house and children, and is responsible for them"25.

To neglect the rights of parents, wife or children and not to take good care of their health and not to take the necessary measures to prevent their exposition to illness are certainly forbidden, on the basis of the following Quranic statements: You shall not kill your own children. (6:151) You shall not kill anyone, for that is forbidden by God, except through the due process of justice. (6:151) Losers are those who in their ignorance stupidly cause the death of their own children. (6:140) No mother shall expose her own child to harm, nor shall any father expose his child to harm. (2:233) Imam Ibn Hazm comments on this verse: "There is no doubt it is the child that parents are forbidden to harm". God also says in the Quran: Consult together with all reasonableness. (65:6) Ibn Manzour says in his commentary on this verse: "It is the duty of each one of the parents to show reasonableness when consultation takes place with regard to what happens to the child". Let us remember that this verse comes within the context of divorce. It means, therefore, that the divorced parents should consult with each other in order to protect the interests of the child. In the same context, the Prophet said: "It is a sufficient harm for any man to allow his dependents to perish"26. He also said: "Whoever does not show compassion to our young ones does not belong to us"27. One of the most essential aspects of compassion to young ones is to protect their health and to prevent their illness. Among the most important measures to protect a child’s health is breast-feeding for the first two years of its life, because that gives the child the best possible nourishment, enhances its immune system, and helps to provide reasonable birth spacing since breastfeeding often serves as a means to prevent conception. God says in the Quran: Mothers shall breast-feed their children for two whole years if the parents wish the sucking to take its full course. (2:233) God also says: Its weaning comes in two years. (31:14) Similarly, the pledge of loyalty which Muslim women gave to the Prophet contained the all important clause that they …shall not cause the death of their own children. (60:12)

It is the duty of all Muslims towards the members of their household to:

• Take all necessary measures to prevent illness. This includes keeping them away from any source of infection, as well as their vaccination, as necessary, in order to immunize them against communicable diseases. When parents are complacent with regard to the vaccination of their children, they expose them to harm, which God has forbidden them to do. Similarly, a foolish or ignorant action from either parent could expose their child to death and make them losers, as God says: Losers are those who in their ignorance stupidly cause the death of their own children. (6:140)

• Do their best to provide them with the means of healthy living, such as good food and to teach them the habit of eating moderately and to do exercises which keep them fit.

• Seek medical treatment for them when they fall ill.

One of the worst hazards to which children may be exposed is for one of their parents to be a smoker, which means that they are forced to breathe in the smoke of cigarettes and are exposed to all the illnesses that smoking causes. It is no exaggeration to say that this is doubly forbidden as it means, in effect, neglect of the child’s right to be protected against illness, and a forceful exposure to risk when still young and defenceless.

9/23/2009

This Is Dedicated To My Ex Husband


There shall be no harm my dear ex...


A unique, brief and highly authentic statement by the Prophet may be translated as follows: "There shall be no infliction of harm on oneself or others"1. This constitutes a principle which is further emphasized by other statements by the Prophet, such as the hadith which says: "Cursed be everyone who causes harm to a believer or schemes against him"2. The Prophet also said: "God will inflict harm on anyone who harms others"3. Another version of this last hadith states: "Anyone who causes harm to a believer shall suffer harm brought against him by God"4.

Perhaps the most lucid definition of causing harm was stated by Rasheed Reda in his commentary on sura 5, entitled The Repast (Al-maida): "It means that all harm, whether affecting an individual or a group of people, must be removed". It is from this principle that we derive the all important rule which stresses the need to prevent all evil and safeguard personal and communal interests, always observing the aims of Islamic legislation.

The prohibition on causing harm is clearly stated in the Quran: Say: My Lord has forbidden all atrocities, whether overt or disguised, and harm (ithm). (7:33) Another verse in the Quran states: Abandon all harm (ithm), whether committed openly or in secret. (6:120) In reference to intoxicating drinks and gambling, God says: There is great ithm (harm) in both although they have some benefit for people; but their ithm (harm) is far greater than their benefit. (2:219) It is clear from this last verse that the term ‘ithm’ is used here, as well as in the other verses, as an antonym of benefit, which means that it is synonymous with harm. When we take all three verses together we realise that causing harm is forbidden in the Quran. It is not lawful for a Muslim to cause harm to himself or to other people. Evidence supporting this prohibition is to be found in plenty in the Quran.
Just for you my dear....

9/20/2009

Eid mubarak to all


Eid ul-Fitr


Eid ul-Fitr or Id-ul-Fitr, often abbreviated to Eid, is a Muslim holiday that marks the end of Ramadan, the Islamic holy month of fasting. Eid is an Arabic word meaning "festivity", while Fiáš­r means "to break fast"; and so the holiday symbolizes the breaking of the fasting period. It is celebrated after the end of the Islamic month of Ramadan, on the first day of Shawwal.

Eid ul-Fitr is a day long celebration and is sometimes also known as the "Smaller Eid" as compared to the Eid ul-Adha that lasts four days and is called the "Greater Eid"

Muslims are commanded by the Qur'an to complete their fast on the last day of Ramadan and then recite the Takbir all throughout the period of Eid.

Once again, EID MUBARAK TO ALL

9/18/2009

I was just thinking...


I've asked few of my friends to check out my blog. Yesterday, i was sitting with few of them and they told me that the adress i gave them was wrong as they saw some posts about Islam. So, yes i talked about Islam, however it was about health and Islam, i also talked about Buddha. Now, i like to know about everything to educate myself, which inlcude all religions. At the end of the day, we all believe in one GOD, right. So whats the difference if you read something that doesnt directly concern you; i think its good to know about anything, thats how we get to have an open mind about live. Mostly, you dont have to agree either;)

9/17/2009

Health and Islam

                           From an Islamic perspective health is viewed as one of the greatest blessings that God has bestowed on mankind. It should be noted that the greatest blessing after belief is health, as narrated in the following Hadith:
The final messenger of God, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) mounted the pulpit, then wept and said,

 "Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness and health, for after being granted certainty, one is given nothing better than health.

Health is indeed a favour that we take for granted. We should express gratitude to God for bestowing us with health, and we should try are up most to look after it. God has entrusted us with our bodies for a predestined period of time. He will hold us to account on how we looked after and utilised our bodies and good health.

It has been narrated that Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said:
"No one will be allowed to move from his position on the Day of Judgement until he has been asked how he spent his life, how he used his knowledge, how he earnt and spent his money and in what pursuits he used his health"

The preservation of this blessing can only be achieved through taking good care of one’s health and taking every measure to maintain and enhance it. With this in mind every Muslim should make sure they undertake all necessary actions which are conducive to the preservation of good health. Healthy living is part and parcel of Islam, introduced with the inception of Islam more than 14 centuries ago. Furthermore, the Quran and the Sunnah outline the teachings that show every Muslim how to protect his health and live life in a state of purity. Numerous examples in Islam instruct its followers to live a healthy life, a selection are summarised below.

Daily prayer

Any health benefits derived from prayer or any other worship (fasting) are secondary in importance. The Salah or Islamic prayer comprises both physical movement and mental concentration. Performed five times a day at specific times of the day, the obligatory prayers provide a good means for the circulation of blood, breathing and general suppleness of joints. Though it is not physically over demanding, we know that anything done moderately and consistently is far better than sudden over-exertion at infrequent periods.

Ablution before Prayer & Ghusl

Before a Muslim performs their prayers, they must perform the ablution which comprises thorough washing of the hands, mouth, nose, face, arms (up to the elbow) and the feet (up to the ankle). This ritual of self-purification when carried out five-times a day, leaves the worshiper clean, refreshed and ready to face his creator. Muslims are also required to clean themselves with water after urinating or defecating. Another act of worship which also helps to maintain good health is taking a shower, or ghusl. This is compulsory when one is in the state of ritual impurity, and is compulsory at least once a week before attending the weekly Friday prayer.

Diet & Nutrition

Various verses and texts within Islam promote the eating of healthy wholesome food and eating in moderation. God clearly states in the Quran:

Eat of the good things which We have provided for you. (2:173) Eat of what is lawful and wholesome on the earth.(2:168)

A healthy nutritious diet must also be balanced, in order to maintain the balance that God has established in all things, this is addressed in the Quran when God says:

And He enforced the balance. That you exceed not the bounds; but observe the balance strictly; and fall not short thereof. (55:7–9)

As we know, eating excessively causes harm to our systems. Many aliments are related to uncontrolled eating habits such as, diabetes, vascular diseases, stroke, heart attack etc. It has been said that the ‘stomach is the home of ill health’ and is usually responsible in some way to ill health. Islam teaches us to eat moderately:

Eat and drink, but avoid excess. (20:81)

Over indulgence and wasting of food are further dissuaded in the Hadith of the of the Messenger of God:

‘ No human being has ever filled a container worse than his own stomach. The son of Adam needs no more than a few morsels of food to keep up his strength, doing so he should consider that a third of his stomach is for food, a third for drink and a third for breathing’

Fasting

Fasting during the month of Ramadan from dawn till dusk, is undertaken to seek the pleasure of God and to practise self control and restraint in all aspects of living, with the idea being to continue this state of God consciousness and piety after Ramadan is over. It is an ideal time to remove the impurities and shortcomings in ones life.

‘ O you who believe fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you so that you can learn


Taqwa (God consciousness)’

Fasting in Islam is not like crash dieting, it is adequate in calorie intake and involves no malnutrition. All foods are permissible to eat in moderation, once the fast is over. Many processed foods we eat contain chemicals which over-time can be stored by our bodies as toxins within cells. Fasting can assist our body to purge these toxins while also allowing our body and digestive system to rest. Research has indicated that fasting can lower blood sugar levels and cholesterol, suggesting it may be advisable for moderate, stable, non-insulin diabetes, obesity and essential hypertension.

Prohibition of Intoxicants

Islam strictly forbids indulgence in intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs for good reason. The limited pleasure of such vices causes immense long-term damage to both mind, body and the social fabric of society. Particular schools of thought include smoking within the list of prohibitions because of its harmful affects on the body. It seems that if Muslims adhere to the teachings of Islam, they would automatically lead a healthier lifestyle. God says in the Quran:

Satan's plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you with intoxicants and gambling and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah and from prayer, will ye not then abstain? (5:90)

9/16/2009

The Relief of the Heart and Body Lies in Obedience to Allah

By Ibn al-Qayyim

Taken from Al-Fawaa’id; translated by Abu Rumaysah

In this lies a great secret from the secrets of Tawheed. This is that the heart cannot become firm, it cannot find satisfaction and it cannot find tranquillity except by reaching out to Him. Everything that is loved and desired besides Him then it must be desired for other than His sake. The One Who is desired, the One Who is beloved in and of Himself, with Whom all matters find their final goal is only one. It is impossible that the final goal be to two destinations just as it is impossible that the beginning of the creation be from two sources.

So the one whose love, desire, will and obedience ends at other than Him then it will be rendered null and void, it will disappear and split off from him no matter how great his need be of it. However the one whose love, desire, will, obedience, awe and reverential fear ends at Him, far removed is He from imperfection, will find himself winning His favours, bliss and rapture, magnificence and splendour, and felicity for eternity.

The servant continuously finds himself altering between the laws of commandments and the laws of decree. Therefore he is perpetually in need of aid to fulfil the commandments and in need of kindness and leniency at the onset of the calamity. It is the extent to which he establishes the obligations that determine how much kindness the servant will receive at the onset of the calamity. Therefore if he completes his obligations both inwardly and outwardly then he will attain kindness and leniency both inwardly and outwardly. If, however, he merely establishes the outward form [of the commandments] without establishing their reality [inwardly] then he will receive an outward kindness and his portion of inward kindness will [greatly] diminish.

So if it is asked: what is this inward kindness?

[I say in reply:] It is what the heart attains of tranquillity and satisfaction at the onset of the calamity and the removal of unrest, confusion and despair. Therefore the servant surrenders and submits himself before his Lord and Master and he emerges in a state of complete rest and tranquillity - looking on at Him with his heart, and his soul at peace. His witnessing His Kindness has distracted him from the severity of the situation. His knowledge of Allah’s excellent choice and decision for him diverts him from feeling the calamity just as does his knowledge that he is nothing but a mere servant upon whom the decrees of his Master take effect, and he can either be pleased with them or angry with them. So if he is pleased then he will attain Pleasure and if he is displeased then his portion is nothing save Displeasure. Therefore this inward kindness is the fruit of this inward action [of being pleased with the decree of Allah], it increases with its increase and decreases with its decrease.

Mind, Body and Emotions (part 2)

Naturally, not wanting to deal with the aches, pains and frowns means more avoidance and therfore more unconscious contraction in the body and the mind.
Gradually, we slow down and are less  and less able to function. Deception has started to affect our lives: OUR BEHAVIOUR.
Have a look at the picture (top right) if any of the emotions, body or mind is not working properly, our health pays for it. 3 of them should work together for the humain being to be healthy. I guess its a fact...

Mind, Body and Emotions

The close links between the body and emotion mean that our bodies function as highly sensitive emotion detector. They are giving us a moment to moment readouts of our emotional state. Of course most of us aren't paying attention. we've too busy thinking.
Many of us have been brought up to ignore the body in the interest of achieving what ever goals we are striving to attain. As a rule, we have not been taught to be attentive to our physical selves as a way of learning and growing, (or, maybe i must say few of us did not....) to enhance our effectiveness in social interactions, and even for healing.
In fact, if we struggle with depression, we may feel a strong aversion to any signals that our body may be putting out. Those signals may be of a constant state of tension, exhaustion, and chaos in the boddy. We would prefer to have nothing to do with it in the hope that this interior turbulence will subside on its own.
Deceptive Happiness                              




Buddha called the pleasurable feelings that result from worldly enjoyments ‘changing suffering’

Everyone wants to be happy, but no one in samsara experiences true happiness. In comparison with the amount of suffering they endure, the happiness of living beings is rare and fleeting, and even this is only a contaminated happiness that is in reality the nature of suffering. Buddha called the pleasurable feelings that result from worldly enjoyments ‘changing suffering’ because they are simply the experience of a temporary reduction of manifest suffering. In other words, we experience pleasure due to the relief of our previous pain. For example, the pleasure we derive from eating is really just a temporary reduction of our hunger, the pleasure we derive from drinking is merely a temporary reduction of our thirst, and the pleasure we derive from ordinary relationships is for the most part merely a temporary reduction of our underlying loneliness.

Worldly Happiness

How can we understand this? If we increase the cause of our worldly happiness, our happiness will gradually change into suffering. When we eat our favourite food it tastes wonderful, but if we were to continue plateful after plateful our enjoyment would soon change into discomfort, disgust, and eventually pain. The reverse, however, does not happen with painful experiences. For instance, hitting our finger with a hammer again and again can never become pleasurable, because it is a true cause of suffering. Just as a true cause of suffering can never give rise to happiness, so a true cause of happiness can never give rise to pain.

No matter how hard we try to find happiness in worldly pleasures we shall never succeed.

Since the pleasurable feelings resulting from worldly enjoyments do turn into pain, it follows that they cannot be real happiness. Prolonged indulgence in eating, sport, sex, or any other ordinary enjoyment invariably leads to suffering. No matter how hard we try to find happiness in worldly pleasures we shall never succeed. As mentioned earlier, indulging in samsaric pleasures is like drinking salt water; rather than satiating our thirst, the more we drink the more thirsty we become. In samsara we never reach a point when we can say: ‘Now I am completely satisfied, I need nothing more.’

Impermanence

Not only is worldly pleasure not true happiness, but it also does not last. People devote their lives to acquiring possessions and social standing, and building up a home, a family, and a circle of friends; but when they die they lose everything. All they have worked for suddenly disappears, and they enter their next life alone and empty-handed. They long to form deep and lasting friendships with others, but in samsara this is impossible. The dearest lovers will eventually be torn apart, and when they meet again in a future life they will not recognize each other. We may feel that those who have good relationships and have fulfilled their ambitions in life are truly happy, but in reality their happiness is as fragile as a water bubble. Impermanence spares nothing and no one; in samsara all our dreams are broken in the end.

The nature of samsara is suffering, so for as long as living beings are reborn in samsara they can never experience true happiness. Buddha compared living in samsara to sitting on top of a pin – no matter how much we try to adjust our position it is always painful, and no matter how hard we try to adjust and improve our samsaric situation it will always irri- tate us and give rise to pain. True happiness can be found only by attaining liberation from samsara. Through contemplating this we shall develop a heartfelt desire for all living beings to experience pure happiness by attaining liberation.

Obstacles to Happiness

Obstacles to Happiness


When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the mind.



Since we all have within us our own source of peace and happiness, we may wonder why it is so hard to maintain a continually peaceful and joyful mind. This is because of the delusions that so often crowd our mind. Delusions are distorted ways of looking at ourself, other people, and the world around us – like a distorted mirror they reflect a distorted world. The deluded mind of hatred, for example, views other people as intrinsically bad, but there is no such thing as an intrinsically bad person. Desirous attachment, on the other hand, sees its object of desire as intrinsically good and as a true source of happiness. If we have a strong craving to eat chocolate, chocolate appears to be intrinsically desirable. However, once we have eaten too much of it and start to feel sick, it no longer seems so desirable and may even appear repulsive. This shows that in itself chocolate is neither desirable nor repulsive. It is the deluded mind of attachment that projects all kinds of pleasurable qualities onto its objects of desire and then relates to them as if they really did possess those qualities.

If we want to transform our life and be free from problems we must learn to transform our mind.

All delusions function like this, projecting onto the world their own distorted version of reality and then relating to this projection as if it were true. When our mind is under the influence of delusions we are out of touch with reality and are not seeing things as they really are. Since our mind is under the control of at least subtle forms of delusion all the time, it is not surprising that our lives are so often filled with frustration. It is as if we are continually chasing mirages, only to be disappointed when they do not give us the satisfaction for which we had hoped.

When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the mind. If we were to respond to difficulties with a positive or peaceful mind they would not be problems for us; indeed we may even come to regard them as challenges or opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we respond to situations with a negative state of mind. Therefore, if we want to transform our life and be free from problems we must learn to transform our mind. Sufferings, problems, worries, unhappiness, and pain all exist within our mind; they are all unpleasant feelings, which are part of the mind. Through controlling and purifying our mind we can stop them once and for all.

9/14/2009

Find happiness

Find Happiness

Happiness is a state of mind, therefore the real source of happiness lies in the mind, not in external circumstances.

If our mind is pure and peaceful we shall be happy, regardless of our external conditions, but if it is impure and unpeaceful we shall never find happiness, no matter how much we try to change our external circumstances.

Meditation enables us to cultivate those states of mind that are conducive to peace and well-being, and eradicate those that are not. Through study and meditation we strive to develop three types of wisdom – the wisdom arisen from listening, the wisdom arisen from contemplating, and the wisdom arisen from meditation.

When fully developed, these wisdoms completely eradicate all negativity and all confusion from the mind. Success in study and meditation depends upon creating the right inner conditions, specifically receiving inspiring blessings, purifying negative karma, and accumulating meritorious energy.

We achieve these through supporting practices such as relying upon a qualified Spiritual Guide, making offerings, reciting prayers, etc.

9/13/2009

what is happiness

What Is Happiness?
“Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abraham Lincoln

Happiness and unhappiness are opposite sides of a judgement about your situation. If you judge your situation as bad for you, that's unhappiness. If you judge a situation as good for you, that's happiness.

The experience of happiness is one of those general terms we use to say, "I feel good emotionally." People use different terms to describe what feels good for them. For someone it might be excitement, passion, exhilaration, fulfillment, freedom, feeling fully alive with inspiration and joy. For another it might be more peaceful, content, capable, hopeful, satisfied, and comfortable feeling. Whatever you call it, it just feels darn good.

Our natural state of being is to be happy. When you remove all the uncomfortable emotions we humans can experience (and they are numerous), you're left with happiness. So it's easiest to define happiness by what it is not.
Happiness is what you feel when you're NOT feeling....
Pleasure vs. Happiness
Happiness is not pleasure although they can appear similar. Pleasure is enjoyment of an outside stimuli. You might find pleasure in buying a new car, or in going on vacation, or having friends over for dinner, or having sex, or....the list is long on what you might enjoy experiencing. Pleasure requires an external stimuli for you to experience it. Happiness does not. Happiness is a belief about yourself and the outside world. You can be doing something you normally experience as pleasurable but not be happy! Pleasure is born from the external world, happiness is born from the internal workings of our own minds.
Happiness is Everyone's Goal

Definition of happiness



Definition:


1. feeling pleasure: feeling or showing pleasure, contentment, joy or happy smiling faces

happy smiling faces

2. causing pleasure: causing or characterized by pleasure, contentment, or joy a happy childhood

3. satisfied: feeling satisfied that something is right or has been done right

Are you happy with your performance?

4. willing: willing to do something

I'd be only too happy to help.

5. fortunate: resulting unexpectedly in something pleasant or welcome a happy coincidence

6. tipsy: slightly drunk ( informal )

7. too ready to use something: inclined to use a particular thing too readily or be too enthusiastic about a particular thing ( used in combination )

trigger-happy

what is loneliness



Loneliness is a feeling of emptiness or hollowness inside you. You feel isolated or separated from the world, cut off from those you would like to have contact with. There are different kinds of loneliness and different degrees of loneliness. You might experience loneliness as a vague feeling that something is not right, a kind of minor emptiness. Or you might feel loneliness as a very intense deprivation and deep pain. One type of loneliness might be related to missing a specific individual because they have died or because they are so far away. Another type might be involve feeling alone and out of contact with people because you are actually physically isolated from people like you might be if you work alone on the night shift or are off alone in a part of a building where people seldom go. You might even feel emotionally isolated when you are surrounded by people but are having difficulty reaching out to them.

Loneliness is different than just being alone

It needs to be emphasized here that loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person will always have time when they chose to be alone. Rather, loneliness is the feeling of being alone and feeling sad about it. And, of course, all of us feel lonely some of the time. It is only when we seem trapped in our loneliness that it becomes a real problem.

solitude

Yes, i use to feel that way, every single day without you was a pain. As far as i am concerned today, it might be a pleasure, maybe you helped me face my destiny when you left me. I remember the tears, from waking up in the morning to the time i had to go to bed and if i was able to sleep, it was a dream. I remember the day you left, with a smile on your face, as if every thing was goign to be ok. Yeah, it was going to be ok for you but what about me; did you ever think about the pain you put me thru? no, of course not, it was all about you and her.

loneliness

loneliness...... If you look at this picture and you read the text below it, would you agree? well, well, well.... everybody, one day will feel that way, and i guess it is up to us if we want to stay in that state or if we want to do something positive with our life. think about it.....

9/12/2009

A BROKEN HEART

A broken heart.... The picture is very nice, however the pain of a broken heart is very painfull. I wonder sometimes if it is a pleasure for some people to hurt others. Is it self satisfaction for them? thinking "yes, i did well today, i hurt someone" what feelings do they have? Do they actually feel guilty? muhmmm, i dont think so! i guess nor day, it is a normal thing to do. They must think, i got what i want, now next.....

Dubai 12/09/09

dubai, 12th of september. 2.12am I decided to have my own blog to share ideas, experiences with all of you. Right now at this moment, i am a bit confused about life, people and so many other things. One thing i know for sure is that i love life eventhough most of time i am asking myself if we were born to suffer. That's were the confusion comes in, i could talk only about myself but when i look around me, so many people are suffering ... It could be because of the economical crises, love, health and so many other things. Therefore, i would like to read other people story, experiences and how they over came their pain, sadness and so much more. I hope that i will be able to start conversation with some of you, in order, to understand the reasons we are on earth. Is it to be happy, sad, healthy or what? hope to hear from you soon Diva